"I have a one concern, my one concern is you, till my day comes, heres what I'm gonna do.." Brandy-Sitting up in my room
James and Ralph
Ralph arrived at the work building of James Grace in typical mistress fashion, with all the aplomb and determination of somebody who was not really supposed to be there but was determined to get their voice heard and look great whilst doing so. Ralph picked his phone up and texted, the wind picked up as he stood outside the main entrance and took several breaths to calm his nerves. The buildings around him seemed to loom closer as if to guard him, or maybe they were just nosy, Ralph at that moment wished he was a smoker so he could have something to do with his body just then as he became aware of how conspicuous he looked standing outside a corporate building at business hours without a suit on, he was thinking over his meeting with the girls and he-
“Hey buddy” - the voice of the swordfish came- materialising to Ralph’s side and startling him, he was so jumpy he hated that about himself- now was not the time for weakness and nerves. Ralph looked at James in the eyes and wanted to melt, those thalassic calming eyes, the smooth skin, the lips-so inviting, the hands, so firm, the way he stood, so poised yet elegant and strong; carnal. Ralph felt his loins stir before his heart and would have reached out to grab him if James hadn’t have put his hand out as a warning-we’re in public, at my work, Ralph composed himself and gave his paramour a weak smile.
“Let us go inside please “without waiting for an answer James, in the sleek silver suit glided from the pavement back to the direction of the building with the black boy strolling behind him. They both cleared the entrance with only a minor glance from the receptionist whose look of concern at Ralph was quelled by James’ confident presence; they eschewed the main lift and entered a private one, hidden in the alcoves of an internuncial corridor. This lift was certainly much more VIP with an altogether ameliorated finish than the main lifts, James entered in a code on the gold finished buttons against the mahogany panels, and the lift doors closed and with just the slightest sensation of movement began to move them upwards. Ralph tried to concentrate on the walls, on his phone, on anything apart from the aroma of the man standing so close to him, and moving closer.
“The great thing about this lift is that there are no cameras” James whispered into Ralph’s ear as he placed one hand on his lower back and positioned his head against Ralph’s neck. Ralph closed his eyes and felt the hot kiss James placed on his neck; he automatically pushed himself back into James’ crotch and drank in all of the sensation of the other man pressing his body into him. The aching, the longing, the frustration-they all visited Ralph one by one as James body grinded against his-then he remembered what he was there for and moved away, right on time as the lift doors opened.
The corridor embraced the couple pleasantly as they exited the lift to a capacious and finely furnished professional working environment. “My office is this way” James led Ralph along pass the various closed doors around a corner where everything was suddenly brighter and more open plan, they continued until James stopped outside a room with a glass wall which portrayed a room full of eager young people facing a smart board with several official looking people at the front. “Wait on second please “James slipped into the room and a moment later exited with a woman in all black with thick dark frames and a warm open face. Ralph didn’t know where to look as he watched James and this woman begin conversing as if he wasn’t even there.
“Lizzie I wanted to talk to you quickly because I know you’re going home soon”
“yeah James but it’s okay I’ve got time, the casting process for the mental health awareness campaign we’re shooting for is taking a little longer than normal” Lizzie opened the door to the room to where a dozen or so eager people were facing two stern looking men and a woman. “Fiona is really firing them up see” Lizzie motioned to the woman at the front and opened the door a little wider and all three of them heard a little of Fiona’s address to the crowd in front of her
“...all of you are talented...except you...you...you...this entire little row back here...” Lizzie closed the door again as Fiona continued motioning to the crowd.
“She’s great isn’t she?”
“She sure is something” James grinned
“Mavis said she thinks she’s having a nervous breakdown and Fiona told her to have one tomorrow because we still have work to do today-ha!” Lizzie grinned back.
James turned to Ralph and said to him “Would you mind waiting in my office please Ralph it’s the only door down this end of this corridor” Ralph was snapped back into action and followed the direction James intimidated. He was in the office and settled himself on a chair before he realised that this was the first time he had ever been invited to the office-in fact invited into James’ actual life.
The pressure. The pressure.
Everything in that office was like an adaptation of the swordfish, sleek, poised, sophisticated, even the air seemed galvanised and lacquered with a coy sensibility and an exorbitant aesthetic, but through the arena of careful opulence and precision that was the office there was an almost absonant cord of familial activity; Ralph found himself looking at a picture of James next to a woman that was clearly his wife. She was pretty, just as pretty as him, as if he chose her carefully to match his face but not outshine him anywhere, the hazel eyes, wavy black hair and high cheek-boned oval face gave her an aristocratic appearance; I’m sure he plucked her from a dynasty table of some sort no doubt to perch her in his domestic tableu and boost his stock, Ralph thought as rivers of envy began flowing through him from deep within the source that was his heart to the estuary of his mouth as it poured out of him and filled the whole room. The door shut behind Ralph and James saw him wipe something from his eye, the picture of James and his wife seemed to grow so large that it took up the entire room.
“My boy” James said, and he went over to stroke Ralph’s hair, he felt Ralph tense a little but he continued to stand there just a little longer, his hands repeatedly stroking but his eyes faced the far wall, thinking a little. Ralph took James’ hands off his head and that singular touch alone sent shockwaves through his body-it took so much out of him not to hold the hand and put it against his face-but the time for amour had come to an end. James removed his hand and walked across to sit opposite Ralph in his desk. He looked at him and smiled a smile warm and generous enough to have Ralph begin melting the icicles he began building around his heart to protect himself from the pain.
“It must be so serious for you to come to my place of work Ralphy”
Ralph inhaled deeply and began to speak-but before he could get the words out there was a knock at the door. “Come in” James responded, and a young man-younger looking than Ralph-appeared as the door opened-.
“Sorry to interrupt you Mr Grace” – his black glasses seemed to vibrate along with every word that tumbled from his pink mouth, he smiled sheepishly out of respect which only seemed to amplify his verdant deferential complaisance; frankly he was adorable.
“Yet here you are interrupting” James quipped back
The boy looked stunned a little but managed to collect himself enough to say “I just had to pass on that Eileen wanted to arrange a meeting with you and her team later on before tomorrow to sort out the financials before they springboard the latest campaign”
“Who is Eileen” James replied
“Errm...the new second project manager-Rose’s replacement-the one she promoted...errmm”
“That woman that always smells like fried meat?”
“I’ve been calling her Ellen all this time; anyways tell her I will get back to her before she leaves”
“Thank you Mr Grace I will let her know”
“That’s fine Greg”
The boy shut the door and left them to it.
The mixture of sexual energy and whatever kaleidoscope of emotion Ralph was feeling every seven seconds turned the air in the room into an almost viscous, palpable noxious concoction, threatening to knock both the men out, Ralph tried to group together his thoughts and keep his eyes away from James’ most attractive features; he had to keep his eyes on the lamp on the desk so he wouldn’t have to look at those eyes that made him feel like he could lose himself in them forever whenever they laid together, Ralph had to make sure to grip his hands to the side of his chair to stop himself from reaching out to grab those hands that made him shiver and quake, when he held them, the summit of their sexual congress just as tectonic as any plates in the Earth. Ralph began to speak, he spoke softly at first, a smattering of words to articulate how things were okay with him before he met James, life was a little heavy but never truly melancholic and never truly filled with joy, but meeting James careened Ralph into a vortex of extremes of emotions, Ralph could rhapsodize about the way James made him feel when they were together, about how the summit of his days could just be the point they get to see each other and what true joy it was to have a man you well and truly desired be satisfying your every intimate desire. The joy of course could not exist without the pain, the pain of having James extricate himself from Ralph, with their body fluids still on each other, to return to his domestic abode, and leave Ralph, out in the cold, at first Ralph resided in the thought that it was what he also himself desired; a casual affair, but the anticipation of waiting at any location to clandestinely meet his lover had transformed from a heady rush of inappropriate prurience and salacious activity to a new form of melancholia; when he realised his daily existence began to seem mundane and pale away as the sun of his paramour shined ever brighter in his life. When Ralph realised he wanted James as more than a sexual experience, the woe danced through him in a dolorous threnody, because James continued to make clear he wanted Ralph merely as an aperitif, and was content to return to his wife, the wife he may not even have told Ralph about, leaving him ablaze in anguish and envy and what was dangerously almost love. “I don’t really know if I can do this anymore I have to stop seeing you-I need far more than you can give me now” Ralph exhaled, he hadn’t realised he was holding his breath till he finished speaking- heart pumping sweat dripping- eyes downcast- he looked up to see the response he has gotten.
James’ face was a brick wall, apathetic, but his eyes were shrouded and he stared at Ralph unflinching, with a peculiar look, “Ralph what are you doing?”
“What?” Ralph responded
“Like what are you doing? Are you saying you are trying to be my man or something? Are you trying to marry me or something like what are you doing?”
“You don’t care about me the way I’m starting to seriously care about you James, I have to leave before I become too lost in you”
“Oh boo hoo Ralph”
Silence courted them both as tension hung in the air and Ralph tried not to die there and then.
James continued to appear unaffected and nonchalant as he spoke “ I dint know what you think this is, some maudlin love story of the underdog or whatever look, I’m not saying it was just sex , I mean we have a good time together why are you trying to ruin that”
“ARE YOU EVEN –are you even listening to me?!?!” Ralph’s voice was getting louder
“I really need you to evaluate who you are talking to like that”
“Fuck you James”
“Oh take off your clothes baby we can make it happen right here”
“At least I know I can fuck you better than her”
Silence as both paused to stare at each other, measuring each other out face to face
“Ralph this isn’t some fairy tale-you know what this is, you know what this was-“
“YOU CAN’T HAVE EVERYTHING – YOU CAN’T JUST USE ME AND NOT CARE WHAT I HAVE TO SAY”
“BE QUIET RALPH!” James shouted back, he moved closer to Ralph until he was leaning almost directly over him and said in clipped tones “You are making me raise my voice in own office, I make too much money to raise my voice thank you-stress is for the poor”, he reached out to touch Ralph as if to reconcile but Ralph moved back and snorted “Who said you could physically touch me”.
“Oh so it’s like that now” James replied, he looked at Ralph coolly and a menace flashed through him, he opened his mouth and said “isn’t Greg so hot? “
Ralph shot him an alarming look “what?”
James studied him and continued his taunt “yeah he’s sexy right? I want to put my fingers in his mouth, wrap his face in cling film until he’s almost asphyxiated right, throw him over my shoulder right after as he’s gasping for air , straight into a barrel of ice water and cum in his mouth”
“Wow that was astonishingly specific, but its okay I’m not going to fall for your empty attempts to make me jealous” Ralph responded
“Yeah my wife has already done that hasn’t she “
That pierced Ralph somewhere just below his chest and he felt his breathing accelerate; such cruelty he thought, from the man I love. He steeled himself and looked back at James.
“You’re making a fool out of me, you’re trying to toss me aside like I’m some hysterical banshee –“
“Well you’re sure acting like one-“
“Just because I’m telling you how I feel-I’m trying to make this real”
“This is real”
“No! it may be for you, and you may be so self centred that you can’t see that this relationship isn’t just about you”
“This isn’t all about you either Ralph, I mean aren’t you doing exactly what you’re accusing me of? This isn’t some overblown romantic comedy where the most emotional person wins, just because you feel more doesn’t mean you get to have what you want, so you’re being self centred too”
“Well two self centred people can’t be together can they- it’s practically written in the bible”
“I can’t give you what you want Ralph”
Ralph looked at the man he was ready to give everything for, and the ice that had almost dissipated from the enclave around his heart began to grow back.